EL PASEO CHILDREN'S CENTER

Question: My third-grader struggles academically. I work with him constantly, am very involved at his school and help him with his homework. Teachers have commented that my son is unable to work independently in class and needs constant encouragement. How can I help him be successful without making him overly dependent on others in order to complete his work?

Answer: Many parents are faced with this dilemma. They realize their child needs more help, but they also know that if they do too much, their child may become overly needy. Children with learning differences are at the greatest risk for becoming dependent on others. Worrying about your child's lack of independence may compel you to try and compensate by becoming more involved in monitoring his homework. While your intentions are good, you may be hindering the growth of his self-reliance. When your son begins fourth grade, he'll be expected to work with increasing independence. A child who requires constant supervision has a greater likelihood of experiencing significant academic difficulties in the future.

If your son continues to look to you for constant support, first try explaining a homework assignment, then let him work on it independently. Check in on him from time to time in case he gets stuck. If he's struggling to do his work because he lacks important skills, you will have to make a judgment call about how much help to provide. You might be surprised that staying in the background may be more helpful and reassuring than "holding his hand" through each assignment in the long run.

{{brentLinkCurrentArticles}}

Question: We've just recently relocated to the desert with my autistic son. He's 19 years old, just recently completed his schooling program back home and has never had a job. Do you know of any local programs that my son can participate in?

Answer: DesertArc is a work training center for individuals with developmental disabilities including autism, cerebral palsy, epilepsy and mental retardation. Programs promote independence and offer opportunities for employment with the goal of helping individuals with developmental and other disabilities live as independently as possible. Most DesertArc clients are placed by the Inland Regional Center, who you'll need to contact first.

Rich Sells, director of business operations at DesertArc, said, "Just because someone has a disability does not mean they cannot perform their job at a high level of efficiency. My clients take tremendous pride in the work that they do and know that they are contributing to our community as do I." I toured the Palm Desert facility this week and was quite impressed by the professionalism and sense of ownership exuding from the individuals participating in the program. It is apparent that they take great pride in their work. I observed employees embroidering school uniforms and screen printing T-shirts, to name just a few of the services they provide.

This is a great program for your son to participate in and a charitable cause for community members to support and be a part of. As Sells told me, "These are people without a voice, and we need to speak for them."

{{brentLinkCurrentArticles}}

Question: Friends and family members have mentioned that both of my children may have ADHD. One child has trouble focusing while the other has more prominent behavior problems. Yet they are almost opposite in their personalities. Is it possible that they both have ADHD?

Answer: It is possible that more than one child in a family can share the same disorder. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, like others, can be hereditary and has a higher likelihood of occurring more often in boys than girls. Sometimes when one child in a family has ADHD, his behaviors may cause problems amongst his siblings. The result may be a brother or sister appearing to share the same undesirable characteristics as the child with ADHD when in reality they are only reacting to the ADHD child's behaviors. You may have one child copying the other, as we know that younger children have a tendency to mimic and look up to their older siblings. Additionally, not all children with ADHD exhibit the same characteristics. One child's challenges may be in the area of learning while another child's difficulties may be behavioral. To truly be certain if your children have ADHD, a comprehensive evaluation must be administered.

{{brentLinkCurrentArticles}}

Question: My boys fight and argue constantly. The 12-year-old likes to show his dominance over my 9-year-old. It's a constant struggle with them to see who's going to control the remote or ride in the front seat with me in between playing referee. I'm tired of all the bickering and turmoil in the house. What can I do?

Answer: Although sibling rivalry happens for any number of reasons, brothers and sisters often fight to test their limits, assert themselves or show superiority over one another. When children are at odds, parents often try to talk them out of their feelings. Next time, try acknowledging their anger or frustration. You may be surprised at how quickly the anger disappears when you let them know you understand their feelings.

When you must "referee" your boys' squabbles, be specific about the behavior you don't like and help them find better resolutions. As their parent, you can do a lot to foster affection between them, but it takes effort.

It's not enough to just break up fights between your boys. Work to stop the teasing and other mean behavior they're engaging in. Many times, when children are mean to other kids, parents correct them. But when their kids behave the same way toward a sibling, parents frequently ignore it. That confuses kids.

{{brentLinkCurrentArticles}}