Q: My marital problems with my husband have escalated around our daughter’s disruptive behavior at school. She’s 6-years-old and was recently diagnosed with ADHD. We are getting reports back from her teacher that she is not getting along with the other kids in class. My husband wants to issue a bunch of strict rules about her behavior, but I’m much more liberal in my parenting style and feel letting her have more liberties is a healthier approach. Can you offer any advice?
A: The quality of the parental relationship is important in the development of a child's adjustment and personality. The challenges of parenting a child with special needs may increase conflict in your relationship. Ongoing parental conflict creates an insecure environment for the child and is associated with a higher degree of developmental risks. A child's developmental decline may manifest itself through acting out, disruptive behavior, anxiety or loyalty conflicts, which in turn contributes to lower self-esteem. Psychotherapist Meg Walling, who has a private practice in Rancho Mirage specializing in couples counseling said, “Parents need to learn to manage their disagreements and stress in a way that is non-destructive so they can intensify their emotional connection to each other while providing a secure and nurturing environment for their children.” Your daughter’s exposure to the continuous conflict at home may be one of the greatest underlying causes of her "unacceptable" social behavior at school. At the very least, it’s a signal for both of you to work as a team and to find a parenting style you can agree upon.
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