Q: Teachers and coaches have commented on our 10 and seven-year-old sons’ lack of self-confidence. They’re both average students and starting to lose interest in soccer. We constantly tell them how great they are, but it doesn’t seem to change anything.
A: By telling children everything they do is wonderful, their internal truth meter (all kids have one) becomes alarmed. Instead a question may be the answer. I remember playing Little League Baseball, and after striking out four times in one game, my father asked me, “Brent, how do you think you did?” I responded, “Not so good.” “What can you do about it?” he continued. I thought, and then replied, “Practice more.” My Dad continues this kind of gentle questioning even to this day. I vividly remember how valued I felt to be asked my opinion even as a young boy. I felt satisfaction and confident from figuring out and solving my problems on my own. It’s important for a child to learn early on in life how to reflect on his own strengths and weaknesses. Over-praising a child isn’t necessary and can be counterproductive. In fact, too much praise makes children uncomfortable and may lower their motivation.
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