Question: My third-grader struggles academically. I work with him constantly, am very involved at his school and help him with his homework. Teachers have commented that my son is unable to work independently in class and needs constant encouragement. How can I help him be successful without making him overly dependent on others in order to complete his work?
Answer: Many parents are faced with this dilemma. They realize their child needs more help, but they also know that if they do too much, their child may become overly needy. Children with learning differences are at the greatest risk for becoming dependent on others. Worrying about your child's lack of independence may compel you to try and compensate by becoming more involved in monitoring his homework. While your intentions are good, you may be hindering the growth of his self-reliance. When your son begins fourth grade, he'll be expected to work with increasing independence. A child who requires constant supervision has a greater likelihood of experiencing significant academic difficulties in the future.
If your son continues to look to you for constant support, first try explaining a homework assignment, then let him work on it independently. Check in on him from time to time in case he gets stuck. If he's struggling to do his work because he lacks important skills, you will have to make a judgment call about how much help to provide. You might be surprised that staying in the background may be more helpful and reassuring than "holding his hand" through each assignment in the long run.
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